Mother Mary Rants

On April 19, 2006, Ed Helms, Senior White House Correspondent for "The Daily Show," explained why Scott McClellan, who had just resigned his position as White House press secretary, was going to need detoxification (note: Ed did NOT use the euphemism "Bushwah." He said "Bushit," pronouncing the two Ls after the U.):

President Bush and his administration "read the poll numbers, they know most Americans think their policies are failing, and they've responded . . . by changing the person who tells us about those failures. . . . Every house-cleaning begins by changing the doormat.

"[Detoxification is] part of the standard exit protocol for any outgoing press secretary. Their job is to filter the hundreds of pounds of Bushwah produced by the Administration on a daily basis — lies, half-truths, errors of omission, commission, emission. The press secretary must transform these noxious toxins into pleasant-smelling oral excretions. Biologists know it as the Fleischer Cycle. The problem is, over time these toxins saturate the press secretary's internal organs, which clog, slow, and finally fail, allowing huge chunks of unfiltered Bushwah into the public sphere. . . . I gotta tell you, it's a tough gig. These guys have a shelf life somewhere between an orchid and unrefrigerated seafood. Thankfully, the detox cleans them up a little bit.

"But nothing can undo the irrevocable damage to their souls."