Mother Mary Rants

So, the president thinks that religion, disguised as "intelligent design," ought to be taught in science classes. How droll.

For those of you who are just as poorly educated, let us recap: Scientists observe reality and develop theories to explain what they see. They test their theories as rigorously as they can, evolving newer theories as necessary. They are open to collegial input and review. They are impartial.

By way of contrasts, religious bigots limit their "research" to one 3,000-year-old text. They ignore, dismiss, misrepresent, or mock any fact that contradicts their prejudgment. They are not open to rational input or review. They privilege their dogma over honest, fair, and logical debate.

"Intelligent design" claims that the Universe is so complex that it must have a Designer. But good design is simple. A drinking straw is proof of intelligent design. So is a pane of glass. Because "ontogeny recapitulates phylogeny" (take a science class!), your DNA looks a lot more like a Rube Goldberg design than it does a drinking straw.

But of course, the ancient writers of the Bible never heard of DNA, so therefore it does not exist.

The Bible teaches us that the Earth is a flat disk that rests upon mountain pillars (e.g., Job 37-38). A metal dome, the "firmament," separates the sky from the chaos waters beyond (Gen. 1:6-7, 8:2). Holes in the dome let rain in. In other words, the sky is a giant, upside-down colander. Rabbits chew their cuds like cows (Lev. 11:6). Grasshoppers have four legs, like horses (Lev. 11:20-23). The sun revolves around the flat Earth (Eccl. 1:5-6). People think with their hearts (Gen. 6:5, Lk. 6:45) and feel emotions with their kidneys (Jer. 31:20, 2 Cor. 6:12). [All citations in this entry are representative — there are dozens of corroborations.]

Even if the Bible were inerrant (Zechariah and Jeremiah were NOT the same person, Matthew 27:9-10 to the contrary), it was never intended to be a science textbook. The Bible is THEOLOGY. To privilege one denomination's crackpot theology by teaching it as if it were a valid alternative to science is to open the door to theocracy.

Of course, George W. Bush sincerely believes that God installed him in the presidency, rather than Dick Cheney's close personal friend Antonin Scalia. What do you want to bet that science classes in Kansas are teaching that he's the Second Coming?